"To fall in love with
yourself is the first secret to happiness."
There is nothing in the world that beats the feeling of falling in love and being in love! Many of us fantasize of meeting our perfect match and being swept off our feet...yet more and more of us think of relationships as a life partnership that gives us sustenance and allow us to share our selves and our love in a deep and soulful way. We long for a strong and happy union and marriage, as well as a home life that offers security and is sturdy enough to be the foundation for all else we do in the world.
With so many people expressing so much desire for
true love, why are so many still searching? Why do many
people fear love may never come? The reasons are many,
and as complex as each individual who desires true love.
Yet in my 25 years of experience as a journalist
specializing in relationships, and then a minister,
wedding officiant and spiritual counselor, there are two
things that crop up time and time again. One is that
many people tend to think magically about love without
doing the practical and emotional work to draw a
relationship to them … and keep it healthy and alive.
And second is that many of us skip important steps to
creating the relationship of their dreams by forgetting
the cardinal rule of love relationships -- in order
to experience genuine, mature love with another, we first
must love ourselves.
I have said it before and I will stress it again:
Your first stop on the road to romance is with You!
Looking for love externally, and even finding someone
who seems to adore you, can be a fleeting thing if you
do not have a strong foundation of self-esteem and if
you do not continually empower your own sense of
self-worth. It is the esteem of one’s self and
honoring of oneself that opens the door to another to do
the same. I believe this is a spiritual law that guides
the world of love relationships.
I’ve witnessed regularly what is possible for women, and men, when they do the work on themselves that allows them to connect with another human being on a deep and soulful level. I see it in women who have worked on tapping into The Goddess Within and who have begun to
see themselves as divine and hence are treated that way. I have seen it in men who, once unsure of themselves and shy, realize that they are worthy of the love of a wonderful woman. I see it all the time in the couples that step up to the altar on their wedding day and truly
connect to one another’s souls with the deepest kind of love and communion as they speak their wedding vows to one another.
How do they do it? There is no magic pill. It is a
combination of taking the steps to changes one’s self
image and negative beliefs about love and commitment,
and the sheer power of the universe, which will always
work with you when you are working on yourself!
Sometimes, it helps to fake it until your make it. I don’t
mean that you should be inauthentic, I just mean it
cannot hurt to "act out" the new way of being
you would like to create … and do what kids do when
they are trying to learn how to master things in the
world. They pretend and play act. Play acting self
esteem and love is not a goofy thing, it can actually be
an empowering way to retrain your subconscious mind to agree
that, "YES, I AM worthy of love, happiness and a
great relationship with self, as well as others."
A Self Love Ceremony
There are many steps to the practical and emotional
work that any one of us may be called to do in a
lifetime and I advocate that you take all the steps you
must to make yourself the best you can be, and to
prepare for love in a sensible and soulful way. In addition to the more mundane and sometimes emotionally demanding tasks of getting ready for love, ritual helps to give us a head start on any life project. That’s why marriage ceremonies are so important. They create the
sacred container for our goals and dreams; they give power to our aspirations for a loving lifetime relationship. They set the stage for how a couple in love will handle the challenges of relationships as they navigate the waters of life together. If you want to make a
powerful statement about your readiness for love...marry yourself first.
Although it is not a legally binding ceremony, there
is no rule that says you cannot evoke the energy of
love, commitment and devotion in a wedding ceremony for
one. Be a Goddess for A Day, or a God, and ceremoniously
commit yourself heart and soul to yourself. Your
willingness to take such a strong stand for love in your
life will create miracles in all area of your life, for
a self-marriage ceremony like any other big ceremony, is
an initiation to a new way of being.
Love The One You’re With
When I teach relationship readiness seminars, I have
people look into a mirror into their own eyes and recite
vows to them selves. This is after they have gone
through a process of treating themselves like divine
beings, and have relaxed into a blissful feeling of
appreciation of self. The following is an abbreviated
version, just to get you started.
(There’s a very powerful exercise and ceremony in
the chapter "Be The Ultimate Self Love Goddess With
Venus" in A
Goddess Is A Girl’s Best Friend: A Divine Guide To
Finding Love, Success and Happiness, Perigee
Books, December 2002, which I suggest you
check out as well).
Preparation: For this ceremony, you will need: Ample
time alone, something wonderful to wear, candle,
flowers, paper or journal and pen, a mirror, music and
"first dance song", celebratory food and
libation (a glass of wine or grape juice is fine),
anything else you would like to include.
Clean house and make sure things are neat and
comfortable before hand.
Prepare a "reception", comprised of a
libation and favorite meal or whatever would be pleasing
(alcohol not required). You can prepare it prior to the
ceremony or plan on celebrating by ordering in. Have
everything you need ready and handy (even it its only a
menu to your favorite take out place). It is recommended
that you stay home and bask in the energy of your
experience rather that going out dancing or out to eat.
Shower or bathe, and dress up. You can buy yourself
something beautiful, new and fitting for a bride or
groom for the occasion, or just wear something that
makes you feel good.
Play music that inspires you and opens your heart as
you prepare the wedding altar – in your living room or
on a small table in your bedroom.
Include a candle and flowers on the altar if
Be prepared to write – in a journal or on plain
Have a full sized mirror or hand held mirror handy.
Make sure you have undisturbed time alone and begin.
Your Wedding Ceremony For One
- Light a candle and bring light into the room.
- Say a brief prayer if it feels comfortable: Divine
Spirit of All There Is, please fill this place with your
sacred presence. Support me in my efforts to express my
love fore self. Help me see my own divinity. Amen.
- Sit down and meditate on the qualities you desire in
a mate. Daydream about your wedding day to come and the
vows you would like another to say to you, and that you
would like to pledge to another.
- Write down three (or more) vows that are personally
meaningful to you: "I will promise to love you
through all time… I promise to love myself so that I
can more fully receive your love … I am honored to
have you in my life … I adore you … I love your
strength and wisdom … etc."
- When you feel ready, look into the mirror and
connect with your own eyes and read the vows to
yourself. It may be uncomfortable at firs but you can
transcend that. Know that your self-love vows will send
a powerful message to the universe that you are ready
- Celebrate your union with self with a sip of wine.
- Play the music of that "first dance," the
one you hope to share with your beloved someday. Dance
… and feel the love.
It is not part of our common experience to think of
marrying ourselves first … we are more likely to dream
of a wedding with someone wonderful. Marry yourself
first and you will have married someone wonderful!!!!
© Copyright 2003 Reverend Laurie Sue Brockway All Rights
Reverend Laurie Sue's Past Columns:
2002 - "Who is the Goddess?" & "The
2002 - "How to Clear Your Love Clutter"
2002 - "How to Mourn a Broken Heart and Lost
2002 - "Relationships That Nurture and Inspire
Growth of the Soul
2002 - "Finding Peace in a Turbulent World"
2002 - "Sacred Sexuality For Modern Men and
2002 - "When Someone You Love Pushes Your Buttons"
2002 - "When Life Has You Down, Remember You Are
2002 - "Plan a Valentine's Day Team Date"
2002 - "Do I Hear Him Knocking … From the Other
2001 - "How Do We Make Our Love Dreams Come True?"
2001 - "What is the Future of Love?"
2001 - "Getting to Know
the Goddess of Good Fortune"
2001 - "Can't Hurry Love... It Will Happen in Its Right Moment"
2001 - "Family Rituals Help Us Grow Into Loving Beings"
2001 - "Dreams Warn It’s Time To Own Your Power"
2001 - "A Fun Visual of Your Favorite Romance"
May 2001 - "Someday
Your Mystical Soul Mate Will Come"
2001 - "Enjoy the Merriment and Fun of An Ancient Love
2001 - "Nourish Yourself On a Date for One"
2001 - "Get Ready for Soulful Love"
Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is a non-denominational wedding officiant, who regularly marries couples in love. She is
also widely recognized as a bridal stress expert devoted
to helping brides-to-be tap into their inner power and
poise. She is co-facilitator of The Bridal Survival Club
for The New York Wedding Group and author of WEDDING
GODDESS: A Divine Guide To Transforming Wedding Stress
into Wedding Bliss (Perigee Books, May 2005). Visit
her at www.WeddingGoddess.com and www.LaurieSueBrockway.net.
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