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Suzanne Zoglio

Moving On…To What You Want
by Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D.


Whether life hands you a bucket of stuff that you’re anxious to get rid of, or you find yourself sitting on life’s sidelines but longing for something more, the dilemma is the same. How do we get the push we need to move on?

It’s that old approach-avoidance thing that keeps us stuck. Our hearts say, "Go," but our feet won’t move. Our friends say, "Move" and we dig in our heels. One foot firmly placed in what we know; the other poised to take us to what we truly desire. It all seems so simple, intellectually. We want something different, so why don’t we just move forward with all the gusto we can muster? As a psychologist and coach specializing in life transitions, I have seen two primary roadblocks to moving on: resistance and fear.

Create a Life that Tickles Your Soul by Suzanne Zoglio

"Resistance," you’re probably thinking, "what planet is she from? You bet I’m resistant. Who wants to lose a mate, get fired, and get diagnosed with hypertension?" Or perhaps you find yourself in some other equally uncomfortable place. So what’s resistance got to do with moving on or drowning in misfortune?

Imagine you are standing by the ocean’s edge. For balance, you dig your heels into the sand. But each new wave just knocks you down. Finally the undertow drags you out to sea. If you try swimming back against the tide, you’ll exhaust yourself and drown. If you do as water safety experts tell us--swim parallel to shore until the powerful current subsides--you’ll likely survive. Therein lies the first secret to moving on…don’t waste energy resisting what is beyond your control.

It is impossible to move in two directions at the same time. As long as you fight against what you don’t want, you will make no progress toward what you desire.

So, consider this. The next time you experience a loss, face real disappointment, or have a streak of bad luck, by all means kick and scream and whine and weep…for while. You hate the fact that this or that happened. You expected things to go along as they had before. It’s okay to ask, "Why me?" or "Why can’t my life just be the way it was?" For a while. Then it’s time to shift gears and start accepting what is. You may be feeling that your situation is unfair, but in reality, it just is. So instead of railing against what is, try to embrace any good that might be hidden in it. Have you learned something? Did someone else benefit? Have you received love and concern? Has it strengthened your faith? Once you have mourned your loss, and acknowledged any good, shift your focus to what you want next. If you’re sick, how do you want to feel? If you’re sad, what change would make you happy? If you’re angry, what would open your heart again? Facing forward, squaring your shoulders to the future, envision all that your soul desires. Allow yourself to dream again…of how you want to feel, who you want to share your life with, where you want to live, what you want to contribute, and when you want to move on. Then, you’ll just have to get your feet to follow your heart.

Recharge in Minutes by Suzanne Zoglio

I mentioned that the second common roadblock to moving on to what’s best for you next is fear…fear of failure, fear of success, fear of not being loved, fear of not being enough.

Fear of the unknown--anything outside of our comfort zone- is universally human. It is exquisitely normal to be afraid. But it need not be immobilizing. For the courage to walk with your fears in the direction of your dreams, you might have to change your mind--or your thoughts. Change all thoughts to empowering ones. Ask not "Why me?" Ask, "What can I do to reach my goals?" Change any mindset of "I can’t" to a mindset of "I can if I ___." Just as when you climbed the high diving board as a child, gave a first speech in college, got married, decided to be a parent, or interviewed for a dream job, you will find the strength to face this and any future challenges. Change any overly independent thoughts such as "I’ll handle this alone" to "I have many sources of help, if I simply ask." Shift any catastrophizing thoughts such as "This is THE worst thing that could happen to me" to "I’ve handled other challenges in my life, and I’m sure I’ll survive this one."

The secret to moving on is to simply keep moving…one thought, one step, and one day at a time.

© Copyright 2004 Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D.  All rights reserved. 

Suzanne Zoglio
Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D., is a life-balance expert, author, and national lecturer. Through her writing, coaching, and seminars, she helps individuals and work teams reach their full potential. With a personal mission to nurture growth, she supports practices that lead to energy, empowerment, and the realization of meaningful goals.

Suzanne’s books include Teams At Work: 7 Keys To Success (Tower Hill Press, 1997), The Participative Leader (McGraw Hill, 1995), Create A Life That Tickles Your Soul (Tower Hill Press, 1999) available in paperback as well as hardcover, and her newest, Recharge In Minutes (Tower Hill Press, 2003). All are available online and from major retailers.


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