Ritual for Lovers
by Gay Hendricks, Ph.D. & Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D.
Here is a beautiful and simple way to enhance your
harmony and sexual energy by tuning in to the
breathing-rhythms of you and your partner.
Light a few candles, put on some soft
music, and let the incredible power of breath take you
as far as you want to go.
Lie down front-to-back like two
Take a few moments to get
comfortable. Find out which parts of you like to be
touching and which like to be free.
When you’re comfortable and relaxed
in contact with each other, close your eyes and listen
to each other’s breathing for a few moments. Listen to
the sounds of breathing—its depths and rhythms, its
ebb and flow. Focus on the sounds of your breathing for
a minute or two.
After a couple of minutes, shift your
attention to another aspect of awareness. Instead of
listening with your ears, use your sense of feeling.
Tune in to the places where your bodies are touching.
Feel the rhythms of your breathing and your partner’s
breathing. Feel the breath come and go from your bodies
as you relax together front to back. Focus on the
feeling of breathing for a couple of minutes.
When you’re ready to move deeper,
shift to a slightly different type of awareness. The
partner in front takes a longer, slower breath in, then
lets it go with a big relaxed sigh. The partner in back
listens and feels the partner’s big breath go in and
out, then "answers" with a long, slow
in-breath and big relaxed sigh on the out-breath. Let
the partner in front be the leader for now. The
front-partner initiates the pace, the partner in back
matches the other’s breathing.
After a couple of minutes, change
roles. The partner in back initiates, the front-partner
follows. The back-partner takes a long, slow, relaxed
in-breath, then lets it go with a big, long "Aaaaaaaahhhhhh"
on the out-breath. The front-partner listens and feels
the rhythm, and matches it with his or her own
breathing. Let the back-partner lead for a couple of
After the back-partner has led for a
couple of minutes, let go of the follow-the-leader
approach. Continue the same sequence—long slow
in-breath followed by a long sigh of pleasure on the
out-breath—but now let your breath and intuition guide
you. Play with the rhythms of your breathing, speeding
up and slowing down as you please. Discover new places
to feel the movements of your partner’s breathing as
it flows in and out. For example, you might rest your
attention on the place where the front of one partner’s
knees touch the back of the other partner’s knees.
Feel the sensation of the skin-contact shift subtly as
the breath comes and goes. Few of us probably spend much
time exploring the backs of our knees, but we (and many
of our clients) have discovered that this area is
surprisingly sensitive to touch.
As you progress along through this
exercise, let your breathing become more gentle and your
sigh of letting-go become more subtle. Find any places
in your body that you’re holding on to tension. For
example, you might discover that it’s a challenge for
you to let go completely in your belly or your thighs or
your shoulders. When you discover those tight places,
devote a few breaths to that area. Breathe in the
direction of the area, then let the tension go as you
relax into a long sigh of release.
Enjoy the process as long as you like, then let it
evolve into lovemaking or a good shared rest.
© 2003 The
Hendricks Institute. All Rights Reserved. Adapted
from BREATHING ECSTASY by Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks,
recently published by Three Rivers Press.
Gay Hendricks and his wife,
Kathlyn, are the authors of CONSCIOUS
LOVING, THE CONSCIOUS HEART and other relationship books.
direct The Hendricks Institute and its Center for Conscious Relationship in
Santa Barbara. The Hendricks Institute -