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Transforming Shadow
Comforts
by
Jennifer Louden |
Why do we choose shadow comfort? Because the moment in
which we choose to turn on the TV or devour the
chocolate bar is THE creative moment. This is the moment
where you can choose to create or to go numb. It is the
present moment, pregnant with possibility and often rife
with a great variety of fears. It is in this moment that
the juice comes in, where the life unfolds, the Divine
speaks to you, where you get hooked up to the universal
power plant.
Too often, we block this moment. I know I do. I
choose to check my email, eat some chocolate, get busy.
When I do, I choose not to be in my body, not to engage
with my feelings, not to listen to my inner wisdom. I
block the creative moment. And when I do that, I block a
lot.
I don’t think I’m a rare creature in my behavior.
The way I look at it, our entire society is set up to
condone and encourage such behavior. So I’ve given up
feeling guilty and futile about it and instead starting
trying to transform. I started trying to choose healthy
comfort to become more comfortable in my own skin
instead of using shadow comfort to prove to myself what
a worthless worm I really am.
If this resonates with you, get your journal and try
these questions:
LIST YOUR FAVORITE SHADOW COMFORTS. No one need see
this list. You might have to play detective for a few
days and watch yourself to see what you prefer. My
friend Deborah told me anger was her favorite shadow
comfort. "Anger can be the fire of self-righteous.
If you think only you are right, you don’t have to
look at your part in whatever happened. Anger can
distance you from others and keep you from intimacy. You
can’t really think about others. You can’t really be
generous."
WHAT ARE FOUR OR FIVE SITUATIONS OR FEELINGS THAT
TRIGGER A SHADOW COMFORT RESPONSE IN ME? Think of hurts,
stresses, and when you are being pushed to be more
alive. For me, when someone rejects something I’ve
written when I'm stuck in my writing, when I need to
connect with Lilly or Chris but don't want to make the
effort, when I'm trying to do something and keep getting
interrupted, these are my siren calls to sweets or other
distractions.
INSTEAD OF ____________________, I COULD CHOOSE TO
____________.
INSTEAD OF ____________________, I COULD CHOOSE TO
____________.
In the first blank, write down a current shadow
comfort. Then breathe into your belly and ask yourself,
"Is this what I really want to do?" If the
answer is "No" or "'I'm not sure,"
then ask yourself, "What would satisfy my soul
more?" or "What is this shadow comfort trying
to teach me?"
Post this list of alternatives where you can see them
– inside your refrigerator, on the TV, on the cover of
People magazine, on your computer screen.
Read
More About the Comfort Queen and Shadow Comforts
in Last Month's Issue
Excerpted with
permission from The Comfort Queen’s Guide to Life:
Creating all That You Need with Just What You’ve
Got, Copyright 2000.
Enjoy Other Books by Jennifer
Louden:
Jennifer Louden is the author
of The Woman’s Comfort Book, The Couple’s Comfort
Book, The Little Book of Sensual Comforts, The
Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book and The Woman’s
Retreat Book, all published by Harper Collins. There
are over 700,000 copies of her books in print worldwide.
Her newest book, The Comfort Queen’s Guide to Life
was published in May 2000 by Crown/Random House along
with the launch of www.comfortqueen.com
and a line of greetings cards and journals from Portal,
2000 calendars from American Greetings, and complete
line of giftware from Papel.
Jennifer’s books have been
translated into eight languages and have been German
bestsellers. Jennifer has taught her lively workshops
across the US, Canada, and Europe at hospitals,
corporations, and universities to thousands of women.
Ms. Louden’s media
appearances have included "Oprah," "Later
Today," "The Home Show," MS-NBC, CNN, and
Fit TV as well as numerous local TV shows in most major
markets including most recently "Women to
Women" in LA and "NorthWest Afternoon" in
Seattle. Articles about her work have appeared in Glamour,
Shape, People, Redbook, Good
Housekeeping, Self, New Woman, Ladies’
Home Journal, Yoga Journal, Health, Parents,
and most major newspapers including USA Today, Chicago
Tribune, Dallas Morning News, and The New
York Times.
Jennifer is the mother of
Lillian, who is six, and the wife of cinematographer
Christopher Mosio. They live in a wide canyon behind a
purple door in Santa Barbara, California.
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