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Redefining
MidLife
by Barbara
Biziou |
"Since you don’t know
when the end is going to be how can you figure out what
mid-life is." --Julia Riva
We, as a culture, worship youth. We try and tighten
our abs, botox our faces and dye our hair all on the
eternal quest to stay young. Looking good is not a bad
thing, but dismissing the wisdom of experience because
of our fear of aging is destructive and sad.
Moving into midlife (whenever that is) can be a
freeing and exhilarating experience.
Around the age of 45 we begin to move into the
halfway point of our lives. For some of us it is closer
to 50. The actual chronological age is not important,
what is important is the feeling that we have come to a
turning point in our lives.
The essence of mid-life change is the reevaluation of
the present with an eye toward an uncertain future. It
represents both the end and the beginning of a cycle.
Some of us may recall forgotten dreams and wonder
whether it too is late to realize them. Many of us have
to give up our fantasies of how we thought our life
would be. Facing this reality may leave us feeling
vulnerable and unsure of ourselves.
Those who have the hardest time with mid-life are
usually those who realize they have lived a life
programmed for them by others rather than the life they
wish to lead. It is common to see them begin to search
for satisfaction in different ways -- possibly pursuing
their "life's work" or looking for some larger
"purpose" to their life. Many times, people
get a wakeup call when faced with a personal crisis that
prompts them to look deeply at their life (sudden loss
of job or home, death of a loved one, illness).
This time is a gift for it allows us to correct the
flow of emotional energy in our life. It is important to
acknowledge any grief and sadness that we may have so we
can become more available for joy in our life. This is
not about regrets -- everything we have ever done has added
to who we are today. It is important to take the time we
need to retreat from our daily lives so we can heal. Be
prepared to encounter resistance from others who are
used to us always being available. Building strong
relationships of mutual trust and caring will play an
important part in this healing journey.
Whenever we start something new we may feel
uncertain. We no longer know what is expected of us and
we can lose the self-confidence and certainty that we
have built up over years.
The good news is that we can take this opportunity to
look at life in a new and fresh way. This is a time to
reinvent ourselves and make new choices based on what we
truly want. It is time to take stock of our lives,
reevaluate our dreams and goals as we make peace with
what we haven’t done and take steps towards our new
expanded vision.
The challenge is to look at the changing energy with
anticipation. We can throw away the roles that do not
serve and open to ones that contain more freedom to be
ourselves. Time to set our house in balance.
Many women find themselves moving into new careers or
careers for the first time. Power may be an issue. For
men and women who have worked in the world this may be a
time for more fun …freedom from the old roles we took
on.
Our bodies too are changing. We become aware of our
mortality. Hormones play havoc with our emotions.
For women, this is a time of menopause…an ending of
our fertile years.
As my friend Donna Henes says, "midlife comes
into ourselves after we’ve done our parenting--actual
children or careers, community, political or whatever we’ve
birthed and grown".
If you are between 40-60 you are in Midlife…
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MID LIFE IN THE 21ST CENTURY
Living together and having a new baby
Raising an adopted child as a single
mother or father
Starting a new relationship
Developing same sex relationships
Beginning a new career
Going back to school
Retiring after 30 years of being at
the same job
Practicing Yoga
Meditating
Traveling
Riding a motorcycle
Looking great
Being comfortable with who you are
Letting go of control
Acknowledging your discomfort
Laughing at yourself
Becoming an emotional yo yo
Accessing your wisdom
Taking care of aged parents
Spending time with yourself
Taking up a new hobby
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Real old age begins when one looks backward rather
then forward, but we can look forward with joy and
excitement to the years ahead and especially to the
contributions we can make to the world.
Psychologically this is a new time of preparation for
elder hood. Yet, there is a lot of time between midlife
and elder hood and we need to discover language that
speaks to this new era.
Donna Henes, Urban Shaman, calls this feminine
archetypal the Queen…
"Today’s new generation of
women-of-a-certain-age is hungry for assurance that
their mid life transitions might bring about a period of
positive change and growth for themselves as individuals
and for the world around them. They crave role models,
examples, and teachers to help them create actualized,
fulfilled, and joyful ways of being. In the absence of
affirmative guidance, this pioneering sixties generation
of women can and must create their own roles and ideals,
compose the scripts, and author the sagas of their own
futures.
In The Queen of My Self, author Donna Henes,
articulates an original and well-defined paradigm that
puts a contemporary woman’s personal aging process
into the perspective of a larger-than-life archetypal
frame-work.
Henes expands the age-old archetypal paradigm of the
Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone to include a model for
today’s modern middle age women: The Queen. The
Four-Fold Goddess of Maiden, Mother, Queen, and
Crone is a much more accurate description of the current
Way of Womanhood (for more information you can reach
Donna Henes at www.donnahenes.net)
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE TIME YOU HAVE LEFT?
1.Recommit yourself to speak in your own
voice-unhampered by expectations or fear of what others
will think.
2.Support causes which show respect and reverence for
the earth
3.Be wild
4.Take time for yourself -- slow down -- transitions take
time.
5.Cultivate a belief that it is safe to move forward
6.Give up "being perfect"
7.Develop a consistent spiritual practice
8.Feel the intensity of your emotions -- seek
professional help if needed
9.Decide to have a positive attitude
10.Clean house of negative people
11.Continue to learn new things
12. Travel -- expand your horizons
13.Be physical -- touch, hug, have sex
14. Laugh, have fun
15. Let yourself be supported by others in a healthy
way
REMEMBER: AT THE END OF YOUR LIFE, YOU WILL ONLY
REGRET THE THINGS YOU HAVE NEVER TRIED.
© Copyright
2003
Barbara Biziou. All Rights Reserved.
Barbara Biziou, author
of The Joys of Everyday Ritual and The
Joy of Family Rituals, is an internationally
acclaimed teacher of meditation and a life-strategy
coach. Her new DVD program Momentary Meditations
is the first guided meditation DVD shot on high
definition video. She is president of Blue Lotus, a
multimedia production company specializing in
spirituality and personal growth. As one of America's
foremost ritual experts, she teaches us how to restore
ritual to its rightful place as food for the soul
through practical, easy to use ritual recipes that are
inspiring and fun. Email: britual@aol.com
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