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Lovers: Caring for One Another's Soul
by Diana Daffner

What does it mean to "care for another's soul"? It means to have a loving concern for the awakening and expressive freedom that illuminates the heart of a human being. Our souls are that which connect us to the original Source from which we spring, and to one another. Our souls are the guiding lights directing this human existence. Why do our souls, those infinite sparks of divine presence, need caring for? They need caring for because our personalities, our egos, tend to so easily obscure our soul realities. Our human needs create clouds behind which our soul takes refuge.

Our souls need caring for because it is in caring for our souls that we can live our lives with deep peace and contentment, aware of our intrinsic value within the web of All-That-Is. Our souls need care not because they are fragile but because they are Sacred. By caring for our souls, we fulfill our craving for belonging, for being part of a greater whole. We finally know and accept ourselves - and one another - when our souls are revealed.

We must look to our own soul to discover how to care for another's. Contrary to popular notion, discovering and caring for your own soul can be joyous work! There is so much focus today on the pain of soul work. Some say we must "bottom out' , hit rock bottom, be brutally torn out of the carefully constructed, protective structure of our lives before we can "see the light", that our evolution is best served through the darkness of our painful times. We are told that we "carry baggage", and that by digging it up and then letting go of the baggage, we will rise more easily into our higher natures. If we tear down the fences we have built to separate us, finally we will learn to love one another.

While this approach has therapeutic benefit, we find joy most easily when we accept that our happiness also is an evolutionary path, that acknowledging and enjoying our soul's delight is at least as important as accepting our sorrow and grief! While we all carry baggage from the past; we also have memories of blissful moments and it is as important to ferret these out, as it is to unravel the pain. Through realizing and appreciating moments of exquisite happiness, we can learn to repeat them, to create a life of health and joy.

What do you cry out for? For what experience do you yearn? What in this life assures you of your connection to your Source? When do you feel most complete, most at home with your true inner being? I doubt if the answers you come up with have anything to do with the "stuff" of life, the material things that we spend so much time and money accumulating, and so much of our mental and emotional time lamenting the lack of. I suspect that the answers you come up with will have a spiritual overtone, will speak of moments in nature, or even love itself. These are desires that have been implanted in you by your soul.

To whom will you trust the care of your soul? As infants, the care and direction of our soul is in the hands of those who care for our body. Following the dictates of our caretaker's religion, the unmasking of our soul may have been eagerly encouraged or stifled and restricted. We may have been honored, through baptism, circumcision or other rite of passage. In Navajo tradition, a baby's first smile is cause for a ritualized sacred celebration. Or perhaps we received adequate nurturing of our body, but our soul was starved. 

You are no longer an infant and can now guide the care of your own soul, just as you are responsible for meeting your physical needs. As you have grown, what have you learned about caring for your soul? Do you attend religious services or spiritual gatherings? Practice meditation? Perhaps you write, garden, play music, or sail. Or maybe you have ignored this aspect of yourself, not taken over where your caretakers left off.

In a conscious and sacred marriage, each agrees to help care for the soul of the other. The original meaning of the word "commitment" was "to entrust".

If you know what your soul needs, and you see a way in which your partner could help, go ahead and ask. Having someone to help care for your soul is what can make a relationship so wonderful. It might be something simple and physical, such as a kiss or a hug before going to sleep. A moment of shared silence before eating. It might seem mundane, like cooking dinner so you can have time to paint. 

Trust your soul to ask for what it needs. Notice how you feel when what you ask for is given. Do you feel more at peace within yourself, do you feel lighter in your being? Trust that in your heart you can distinguish between the superficial satisfaction of receiving material gifts or assistance, and the deeper comfort that comes from allowing your partner to give you spiritual support.

Lovemaking is meant to nourish the souls of lovers. Your soul is not separate from your body. Although you may experience your soul's presence at another dimension of reality, it's not just "out there" somewhere, it's also right here, inside of you. The spirit of life that weaves between your soul and your physical body is inextricably tied to sexual energy itself. 

When your sexual energy is allowed to flow freely, your soul, too, is loosened from the constant restraint required in managing life as a human being. In those eternal moments, the soul rushes forth unfettered and glorious in its wholeness. When this takes place in the arms of your Beloved, you know without a doubt that your soul is being cared for.

And in this way, since we are all connected, lovers bring healing and joy to all of us.

© Copyright 2001 Diana Daffer.  All Rights Reserved. 

Diana Daffner, with her husband Richard, developed Tantra Tai Chi, a partnered movement practice that enhances emotional, spiritual and sexual awareness, and Lessons in Intimacy, a retreat program of ancient and modern loving relationship skills. For a schedule and brochure, call tollfree 1-877-282-4244 or visit www.TantraTaiChi.com.


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