Caring for One Another's Soul
by Diana Daffner
What does it mean to "care for another's soul"? It means to have a
loving concern for the awakening and expressive freedom that illuminates
the heart of a human being. Our souls are that which connect us to the
original Source from which we spring, and to one another. Our souls are
the guiding lights directing this human existence. Why do our souls,
those infinite sparks of divine presence, need caring for? They need
caring for because our personalities, our egos, tend to so easily
obscure our soul realities. Our human needs create clouds behind which
our soul takes refuge.
Our souls need caring for because it is in caring for our souls that we
can live our lives with deep peace and contentment, aware of our
intrinsic value within the web of All-That-Is. Our souls need care not
because they are fragile but because they are Sacred. By caring for our
souls, we fulfill our craving for belonging, for being part of a greater
whole. We finally know and accept ourselves - and one another - when
our souls are revealed.
We must look to our own soul to discover how to care for another's.
Contrary to popular notion, discovering and caring for your own soul can
be joyous work! There is so much focus today on the pain of soul work.
Some say we must "bottom out' , hit rock bottom, be brutally torn out of
the carefully constructed, protective structure of our lives before we
can "see the light", that our evolution is best served through the
darkness of our painful times. We are told that we "carry baggage", and
that by digging it up and then letting go of the baggage, we will rise
more easily into our higher natures. If we tear down the fences we have
built to separate us, finally we will learn to love one another.
While this approach has therapeutic benefit, we find joy most easily
when we accept that our happiness also is an evolutionary path, that
acknowledging and enjoying our soul's delight is at least as important
as accepting our sorrow and grief! While we all carry baggage from the
past; we also have memories of blissful moments and it is as important
to ferret these out, as it is to unravel the pain. Through realizing
and appreciating moments of exquisite happiness, we can learn to repeat
them, to create a life of health and joy.
What do you cry out for? For what experience do you yearn? What in
this life assures you of your connection to your Source? When do you
feel most complete, most at home with your true inner being? I doubt
if the answers you come up with have anything to do with the "stuff" of
life, the material things that we spend so much time and money
accumulating, and so much of our mental and emotional time lamenting the
lack of. I suspect that the answers you come up with will have a
spiritual overtone, will speak of moments in nature, or even love
itself. These are desires that have been implanted in you by your
To whom will you trust the care of your soul? As infants, the care and
direction of our soul is in the hands of those who care for our body.
Following the dictates of our caretaker's religion, the unmasking of our
soul may have been eagerly encouraged or stifled and restricted. We may
have been honored, through baptism, circumcision or other rite of
passage. In Navajo tradition, a baby's first smile is cause for a
ritualized sacred celebration. Or perhaps we received adequate
nurturing of our body, but our soul was starved.
You are no longer an infant and can now guide the care of your own soul,
just as you are responsible for meeting your physical needs. As you
have grown, what have you learned about caring for your soul? Do you
attend religious services or spiritual gatherings? Practice
meditation? Perhaps you write, garden, play music, or sail. Or maybe
you have ignored this aspect of yourself, not taken over where your
caretakers left off.
In a conscious and sacred marriage, each agrees to help care for the
soul of the other. The original meaning of the word "commitment" was
If you know what your soul needs, and you see a way in which your
partner could help, go ahead and ask. Having someone to help care for
your soul is what can make a relationship so wonderful. It might be
something simple and physical, such as a kiss or a hug before going to
sleep. A moment of shared silence before eating. It might seem
mundane, like cooking dinner so you can have time to paint.
Trust your soul to ask for what it needs. Notice how you feel when what
you ask for is given. Do you feel more at peace within yourself, do you
feel lighter in your being? Trust that in your heart you can
distinguish between the superficial satisfaction of receiving material
gifts or assistance, and the deeper comfort that comes from allowing
your partner to give you spiritual support.
Lovemaking is meant to nourish the souls of lovers. Your soul is not
separate from your body. Although you may experience your soul's
presence at another dimension of reality, it's not just "out there"
somewhere, it's also right here, inside of you. The spirit of life that
weaves between your soul and your physical body is inextricably tied to
sexual energy itself.
When your sexual energy is allowed to flow freely, your soul, too, is
loosened from the constant restraint required in managing life as a
human being. In those eternal moments, the soul rushes forth unfettered
and glorious in its wholeness. When this takes place in the arms of
your Beloved, you know without a doubt that your soul is being cared
And in this way, since we are all connected, lovers bring healing and
joy to all of us.
© Copyright 2001
Diana Daffer. All Rights Reserved.
Diana Daffner, with her husband Richard, developed Tantra Tai Chi, a partnered movement practice that enhances emotional, spiritual and
sexual awareness, and Lessons in Intimacy, a retreat program of ancient
and modern loving relationship skills. For a schedule and brochure, call
tollfree 1-877-282-4244 or visit www.TantraTaiChi.com.