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Ho Ho Ho - It’s
another Holiday
as a Single Parent
by Jody Seidler |
With another round of holidays coming at us...it’s
time to slow down and take a deep breath. Let’s not
forget we are making memories for our children with
everything we do - so why not be creative. Whether it’s
your Christmas or Chanukah, or any Holiday -
you have the power to make it one filled with wonderful
memories.
Those Emotions: If you’re filled with resentment
(which, by the way is like taking poison and expecting
the other person to die), anger (which only zaps OUR
energy), fear (false evidence appearing real) or concern
(that’s much more empathic) - it’s time to step
outside of those feelings and step into gratitude and
count our blessings. The first thing my son and I will
do this holiday season is to look around his room. Phase
two is to gather up all the toys he never plays with and
those he probably won’t play with and box them up.
Phase three is to take the boxes to a hospital or center
for needy children. This action feels good and also
teaches the child to share and create great memories for
everyone concerned. It also creates good karma points.
With or without Child: If you and your child are not
spending the holidays with family, there are many dining
options to choose. You can create a holiday dinner with
other single parents you know and their children. The
appeal of an extended family celebration has been known
to man for a very long time. If there are no single
parent families that you know of, you and your child can
dine out at a family restaurant, one that is fun and
noisy or one that is calm and peaceful...whatever your
preference. If the holiday falls on the year your
children are celebrating with the other parent - you have many options as well. There is
dinner with a friend, movie with a friend or alone, a
good book and a warm bath and bed...flying to be with
family in another city. Your choices of ways to
celebrate are as wide open as your mind.
The Present List: When it comes to the dreaded
"present list", I think it’s good for
children to write their own list on a piece if paper in
the order of importance. Those lists are fun to save
from year to year. I compare my son’s list from two
years ago (when ‘pet’ was third on the list) to last
year when it was transformed into ‘brother’. The
list also gives your child a sense of empowerment and
security, and everyone needs a ‘wish list’...just
make sure your child knows they won’t be getting
everything on their list!
Making Memories: It’s fun to take pictures or
videos to create lasting memories. You can make a
wonderful scrapbook from holiday souvenirs, and you can
share these with family and friends. If you’re on your
own for this holiday- ask the other parent to take
pictures and make duplicates for you so you can share in
the joy and have a memory for you and your child at your
home too. If there’s stress between the two parents,
make a pact that for holidays - you will bother share
photographs with each other - for the joy of your child.
The Money Pit: If money is tight, you can start
collecting gifts early on in the year. You can purchase
from stores, make gifts yourself and start going to
local garage sales. Garage sales are great in
California, a lot of people sell things that haven’t
even been opened yet. Keep your eyes and ears open
throughout the year when you child name drops his
favorite toy brand or music choice (CDs and tapes make a
great gift for older children because you can share in
that joy too).
Gratitude is the Theme: Holidays after a life
transition can be challenging, if this is your first
holiday season after a divorce or death of a spouse - be
tender with yourself. It’s difficult, but try to stay
out of the past and what was...build up your strength to
create a new present and future for you and your child.
Find the support you need, get plenty of rest and
rediscover gratitude for the greatest gift of all --
your child!
© Copyright Jody Seidler. All
Rights Reserved.
Jody Seidler is the creator of Making Lemonade
-The Single Parent Network - www.makinglemonade.com.
As
a single parent contributor, Jody has been profiled in
many online and offline publications, and is also a
facilitator for single parent groups, a columnist,
speaker, and the producer of the makinglemonade.com
website and newsletter...all inspired by being a single
mom to Sam, who is now eleven.
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