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Creating
Sacred Space as Hero and Goddess
by Ray Bergen, Ph.D. |
Hero and Goddess: the Ultimate Lovers
The basic polarity that has been driving evolution,
from the cellular level up and from the dawn of time
until now, is the energy of attraction and repulsion. As
positive-negative electrical and magnetic fields, this
energy envelops us, creating storms, weather patterns,
and so much more. In plants and animals, this force
emerges as gender: male and female. The highest
expression of human male-female polarity manifests as
lovers, and the supreme expressions of lovers are the
archetypes of Hero and Goddess.
At first blush, Hero and Goddess may sound like
grandiose terms, or worse, an attempt to return to
outmoded stereotypes. But they are in fact ancient,
universal patterns that are already encoded in our DNA.
You don’t have to be endowed with great strength,
courage, beauty, or wisdom to access the Hero and
Goddess within. Think of them as roles. When two persons
want to create love, they learn to step into these
roles. Most couples refine these roles enough to get to
the altar—but then they stop! Thinking they have
crossed the finish line, they relax, not realizing that
they are merely at the starting gate; their journey has
just begun in earnest. As magical as most new lovers
find these roles, they are just scratching the surface
of the deep and nourishing game they are evoking.
The Hero initiates. Drawing from his primary slogan,
he says: "I will step beyond my own preoccupations
and concerns and do whatever it takes to reach
you." Meanwhile, the Goddess guides, using her
primary slogan: "There is more." She means
that the further we travel into love the more passion we
can celebrate and the more connected we can feel. If a
relationship were a car, he would be the engine, and
she, the steering wheel. Without the engine, we can
still entertain ourselves, push the buttons, listen to
the radio, but we won’t go anywhere. And without
someone steering, even if we start on the journey, we
will shortly run into a ditch.
Remember the myth of "Snow White?" That was
no ordinary prince. He wasn’t just hanging out on a
street corner passing time when he came across Snow
White. No, he was on a mission—a vision quest—searching for love. He had the Hero’s heart.
Once he spotted the woman of his dreams and proclaimed
"I’m going to do whatever it takes to reach you,
even though you’re dead." His kiss was so powerful it
awakened that goddess vision lying dormant waiting to be
activated. This is the story of every new love. Her
surrender to him creates the falling in love that
initiates their adventure.
This point on the journey is as much about
despair as it is about love. Despair, not anger or hate,
is love’s opposite. Whenever she feels her inner
vision neglected, trampled on, not nourished, she
confronts despair. Every woman holds that Goddess
essence wisdom deep inside her. Knowing what the two of
them can become with her guidance and his courage is the
source of her power.
As Joseph Campbell points out, after all the other
Hero journeys are played out, the ultimate journey is
towards the Goddess, the representative of wisdom. On
the Spirit level every relationship is a journey into
the feminine. For a man, this means letting go of his
conquering mentality by placing those qualities under
the guidance of his female partner, as the
representative of their shared vision.
As the holder of the relationship vision, she sets
their course while he navigates them there. The image is
of two people paddling a canoe: she steers and he
provides the power. She says, "Let's head towards
that island" and he honors her (which is not the
same as agreeing blindly). All ancient stories have
lovers traveling in the same direction: towards sunset—and sunset is followed by night, where the ebb
and flow of the moon hold sway. Night time begs us to
set aside surface preoccupations so we can nourish
ourselves on the depths below. It is no accident that
most relationship encounters happen at night. This is
Goddess territory, where every man encounters the deeper
meaning of the reality that his Goddess truly is a woman
of the night.
Creating a Sacred Bedroom Space
Every ceremony is a call to connect. Just as every
man’s challenge is to empower the feminine in his
woman, every woman’s challenge is to guide them to
connect. She puts out the call that says, "Its time
to drop our preoccupations and come together. Join me;
let’s step out of practical concerns and touch
souls." This is why a ski trip together may be an
exhilarating bonding experience, but it’s not
ceremony.
Ceremony takes place in a sacred space. In
relationship the most sacred of spaces is usually the
bedroom—a couple’s church. Instead of just adding a
few candles and soft music, I recommend a more
far-reaching ceremony: turning the whole bedroom into a
permanent sacred space. This is the challenge to every
woman as guide: to make of the bedroom a place that
feels nourishing to her most feminine, sensual aspects;
where her heart says "I’m home." This means
creating a theme, redecorating, starting from the bottom
up to design the most intimate room in the house.
Both persons making the intention to collaborate on
externalizing their shared vision of intimacy is what
lifts this activity from project to ceremony: one
stretching over months involving lengthy discussion
accompanied by trial and error. Using as a guide
"what feels good to her," couples can produce
bold, daring possibilities never before imagined. The
room becomes a physical metaphor for the whole
relationship, breaking old barriers and opening new
doors.
Now the house has a "Lovers Center," like
the church centered old New England villages, to balance
the other centers of kitchen and playroom—a special
place where lovers come together. When we nourish this
center all other aspects of our relationship also
thrive.
© Copyright 2003 Ray Bergen. All Rights Reserved.
Audio Programs by Ray Bergen:
(Available
at: www.herogoddess.com)
Ray Bergen, Ph.D., a marriage counselor
specializing in the archetype of "The
Lovers." Author of an Audio series entitled,
"When Hero and Goddess Love" which applies the
Hero journey and Goddess journey to relationship work.
He and his wife conduct workshops about the core drama
at the heart of every relationship. His website is: www.HeroGoddess.com.
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