Magic of Differences
by Judith Sherven, Ph.D. & James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
Can love succeed based on the differences
between two people instead of just what they have in
common? Definitely! In fact, the only way we truly feel
loved is through the trust we build knowing that our
spouse or partner loves us for the real person that we
are, distinctly different from them.
You see, no matter how much two people have in common
-- religion, politics, race, financial status, whatever
-- when they enter into a relationship they soon
discover the many ways they are different from one
another. Everyone knows that. But most of us don't know
what to do with the differences. We're frightened or
threatened by them.
We use them to trash each other and battle in endless
power struggles. So, we damage or destroy what might
otherwise be very good relationships. That doesn't have
With a simple change in perspective, those very same
differences can become the doorway to the deepest
intimacy and the sweetest spiritual meaning a
relationship can offer. You can transform differences
into the catalysts for change, personal growth and
ongoing adventure instead of a recipe for disaster and
heartache. Those very same differences can be like the
sand in an oyster -- irritating and sometimes very
difficult -- but necessary to create the pearl.
You can put the magic of differences into your own
love life -- or with your children, friends, or business
associates, for that matter -- by keeping in mind that
the other person is not you. As obvious as that sounds,
most people unconsciously expect others to be just like
them. We all do that.
But when you shift your perspective, your partner's
opinions, feelings and behaviors can't be
"wrong" or "ridiculous." They are
just different. Your partner values his or her ways just
as you value yours. Now, the spiritual richness of your
relationship can unfold as you both become sincerely
curious about each other. You no longer assume you
already know what each other means and you don't take
each other's moods for granted. Instead, if you value
your relationship, you must stay open to learning more
about how your partner is, through and through. Then each of you will become
more connected, more present, awake and alive.
If discovering and defining who you are as
individuals and who you are together is the goal of your
relationship, it becomes magical, just like love is
supposed to be. It's not tricky magic, entertaining, but
ultimately an illusion. It is real magic, beautiful in
its realness and meaning. It is the magic of
differences, and your relationship acts as the container
and catalyst for your evolution in spiritual
understanding, experience, practice and power.
That is what waits in the magic of differences and it
can be yours!
Copyright 2000 Judith Sherven, Ph.D. & James
Sniechowski, Ph.D. All
Husband and wife psychology team, Judith & Jim are
the bestselling authors of "The New Intimacy"
and their newest, "Opening to Love 365 Days of the
Year." Visit their website at www.thenewintimacy.com.
Listen to The New Intimacy with Judith & Jim Wisdom
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