is "Soulful Loving"?
by Diana Daffner
Soulful loving includes romance, yet is more than
romance. Soulful loving includes sex, yet is more than
sex. Soulful loving is embracing your Beloved in body,
heart and mind, allowing the deepest part of your being
to be seen and touched. Soulful loving has an enduring
quality, its effects lasting far longer than the moment
itself. When soulful loving is part of our life, it
affects every part of our life, infusing our days with a
brightness that comes from within. At night, we sleep
with the innocence and peacefulness of deep contentment.
Soulful loving takes place when our sexual energy
merges with the flow of love in our hearts. We look into
our Beloved’s eyes and see a reflection of our own
The delicious merging of love and sex can happen
spontaneously, especially when two people are newly in
love. Driven by hormones and desire, their bodies and
hearts bond together with thrilling excitement and
Sometimes it is inspired by the exquisite beauty of
nature or an especially meaningful occasion. In front of
the fireplace on a rustic winter holiday, at home after
toasting a particularly happy anniversary…
Soulful loving is what we hope to experience with our
chosen life partner, why we walk down the aisle, why we
bravely step into the challenging path of committed
Yet, too often, the comfort of no longer needing to
attract or court our partner leads to a deficit of
soul-bonding and a withering of such intimate moments.
A Chinese proverb states that "Young love is
of the earth; mature love is from heaven."
Mature love demonstrates a ripening of sexual and
spiritual knowledge and skills. In a long-term committed
relationship, mature soulful loving may require some
conscious intention and a little training, but it is
well worth the effort! And it is equally, if not more,
rewarding, than at the beginning.
Purposefully raising the vibration, the frequency and
the pleasure of sexual activity in your relationship can
bring incredibly powerful and joyous benefits to body,
mind and spirit!
But how do you do that, you may ask? How do you find
the time, the interest, the desire, the skill for
There is a growing library of books to read,
workshops to attend. There is the laboratory of your own
bedroom, your own sacred space. Soulful loving is a
sexual joining that begins with intention, rather than
arousal. And, unlike the conventional pattern of sex
play, which ends with the separate release of genital
tension, soulful loving concludes with both partners in
a shared and heightened state of spiritual union! Orgasm
is transformed into an ongoing experience of energy flow
and bliss, rather than an individual objective or ending
Tantra, an ancient spiritual teaching, provides us
with tools and practices that help us bring our full
attention to the present moment. Whether it is the taste
of a strawberry or the touch of wind on our skin, the
scent of our Beloved, or the softness of silk sheets,
each moment becomes "Tantric" when experienced
fully. Even so-called negative emotions, such as anger
and fear, can be encountered as the sensory truth of the
moment. All experience becomes a doorway through which
we can step out of our personal story of separation and
into a spiritual experience of oneness and authentic
We don’t have to wait for the starlit night or the
candlelight dinner, although either or both may help
create a supportive atmosphere. Soulful loving with a
Beloved is the activity of being present and sexual,
open and receptive. It is about being alive in all of
our senses, aware of our internal energy and passionate
and communicative about our commitment to one another,
and to our own soul.
© Copyright 2002 Diana
Daffner. All Rights Reserved.
Diana Daffner, with
her husband Richard, leads "Intimacy Retreats"
for couples and provides coaching in sexual intimacy as
a spiritual path. The Daffners originated the Tantra Tai
Chi™ program, a partnered movement practice to enhance
intimacy in body, heart and soul. For a schedule of
workshops, visit www.IntimacyRetreats.com
or call 1-877-282-4244 (tollfree). Email: tantra@IntimacyRetreats.com.
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