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Have you ever felt tired, worn out, or a little too old
for your years…whatever your age? If so, it might have
nothing to do with the number of candles on your
birthday cake. Instead, it could be that you’ve just
gotten a bit too settled, making your life feel a bit
stale.
In physics the principle of entropy explains the
natural tendency of all living things to either grow or
break down. It demonstrates that there is no such thing
as the status quo or staying at the same level. If you
develop a muscle, it grows stronger. If you don’t use
it, it doesn’t stay the same…it atrophies. If you
use your brain for new experiences, you will grow new
pathways called dendrites. If you don’t, your
brainpower does not stay the same…it will diminish.
"Use it or lose it" is more than an idle
expression.
Relationships that we pay attention to expand; those
that we neglect do not stay the same…they fade.
Perhaps you have had a friendship that was once strong
but now is gone. No blow-up; no decision to part, just a
bad case of status quo.
At various times in life, we come to a fork in the
road and have to choose which path we’ll take next.
One is familiar, safe, and nicely paved. The other is a
bit trickier. It glows with adventure, treasures, or
perhaps the potential to learn and grow. But this second
path is also unfamiliar, frightening, and rather bumpy.
The road to the first path leads to contraction; the
second path leads to expansion. Either you stay in your
comfort zone and let life pass you by, or you take the
risks necessary to move forward in the direction of your
dreams. The choice is yours alone. So, although too much
change can be stressful, too little change will
literally bore you to death! To feel young and alive and
in synch with your soul’s desires, try seeing your
next crossroads not as a dilemma or misfortune, but as
an opportunity to re-examine the direction you want to
take next in your life.
A crossroads may appear due to a normal life stage
(midlife awakening?), an unexpected opportunity (great
job offer abroad?), or an unwelcomed wake-up call
(health crisis, divorce, or loss?). So the path that
leads to a fork in the road may be quite different for
each of us. But the road to change is likely to be quite
the same. Like most people, you’ll probably travel a
few well-worn paths of denial, awareness,
exploration, and doubt before reaching your
desired destination.
Denial
Travelers on the path of denial entertain thoughts
such as "This couldn't be happening to me," or
"Things are not really that bad." It's easier
to ignore signs that it's time for a change (the
queasiness in the pit of your stomach, the disquieting
notions in your head, the restless sleep, and the
joyless days) than to face the discomfort of change. It
seems better to live with known negatives than to
risk possible new negatives that might be even worse.
The danger side of change's double-edged sword shines
the brightest. Fear of the unknown is so powerful at
this stage that even strong, soulful desires can be
suppressed and intuition totally ignored. It's as if we
are in shock—unable to see, hear, or feel what's going
on around us. On this path, we pretend and profess a
lot, trying to convince ourselves of what we suspect may
not be true. Denial prevents any adaptive action because
we hold on for dear life to ideas like "everything
is fine…really…or at least as good as it can
be."
A few years ago, I worked with a group of chemical
workers who were preparing for a major conversion of all
processes in their plant. In the group there were a few
eager beavers who went willingly into the land of
high-tech, many who went skeptically, and a few who dug
their heels into the sands of resistance. As you might
imagine, those stuck in denial were left behind, still
mumbling their mantra of "No way—not in my
lifetime" while others who learned new skills
and prepared for the changes marched forward to success
in the new computerized environment.
While the path of denial can provide a safe haven
from too much change, it can also make you vulnerable if
you stay on the path too long. Imagine that you are
walking down some old railroad tracks, with a high-speed
locomotive coming your way. You have two choices. You
can stay right where you are and deny that the light in
the distance is an oncoming freight train (and
eventually get run over), or see the light for what it
is, get off the tracks, and take another path.
Awareness
When you are ready to diverge from the path of
denial, you'll probably pull off for a reality check. Here you may weigh in and come to grips with
the truth about what is working in your life and what is
not. There will be no more pretending that you are
totally satisfied with the status quo regarding your
work, your marriage, or your personal development.
You'll weigh in, fess up to what you're feeling, and
then decide what cargo to unload and what new equipment
to pick up. As this new awareness blasts holes in the
façade of denial, more light will seep in, and other
truths will be illuminated. Needs not formerly met will
become visible, beliefs not acted upon will come into
focus, and the choices you have made will be apparent.
With your passion and desires awakened, you will know
what you want and you'll forge ahead to the next
connecting path…that of exploration.
Exploration
On the explorer's path you may feel as though you are
going around in circles. Although you've committed to
moving forward, you won't be sure of the quickest route.
You may find that one direction seems right at first,
but later deposits you right back where you started.
While frustrating, these false starts should be
expected. After all, this is new territory. Just shore
up your courage and check your internal compass by
asking, "Is this direction taking me closer to
where I want to be?" If it is, keep going. If not,
just say "oops," and choose another route.
Soon you will be at your destination, with one more
divergence possible along the way…on the path of
doubt.
Doubt
The bushes along the path of doubt are of a prickly
variety. They may snag you from time to time and even
scratch at your new determination. This is where you'll
see the cost of change and wonder if it's worth it.
You'll be tempted to turn back to more familiar,
comfortable ground and avoid letting go of that last
tether. You know you're close to the right path now; you
can even sense its foreign nature. The prospect is
exciting, but you are leery of adjustments you will have
to make. The customs will be different, the mindsets a
bit askew. You're not so sure you'll be able to cope in
such a strange place. But then you see just up ahead,
the prickly path gives way to a spacious, paved, and
well-lit road. It's marked with a large, clear sign.
"This way," it reads, "to a life that
tickles your soul." Doubt fades into determination.
Traveler's Aid
Many things will help you to continue your progress
journey. Remind yourself of your desires by posting them
in view and reading them several times a day. Buoy your
spirits with life-affirming habits such as yoga,
meditation, and self-reflection. Schedule regular
periods of renewal and commit to taking some action
toward your goals every day. Give and love and enjoy
life's simple pleasures.
As you proceed on your journey, you will likely
benefit from support along the way. Think of people who
will boost your spirits when they lag and provide
direction when you need it. Identify those who have gone
before you and ask them to share the lessons they have
learned. Find someone who will simply listen and send
your own thoughts echoing back. Find others who will ask
you questions that no one else would ask…questions of
survival intended to save you from yourself. Read
inspiring material and enroll in skill enhancing
workshops.
Before you begin your chosen course, pack the gear
that will see you through such an exciting journey.
You'll need provisions that fuel and things that soothe
when you occasionally scrape an ankle. A mirror to see
objectively and earplugs so you will be able to hear
your wisdom from within. Carry nuggets of past successes
to remind you of the many hills you've climbed, and
don't forget to bring along a compass made of your own
purpose and design. One more thing that you should bring
is a flag to plant at each new summit. There you'll rest
and watch it wave, and feel content with how far you've
come.
© Copyright 2004 Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D. All rights
reserved.
Suzanne Zoglio, Ph.D.,
is a life-balance expert, author, and national lecturer. Through her writing, coaching, and seminars, she helps individuals and work teams reach their full potential. With a personal mission to nurture growth, she supports practices that lead to energy, empowerment, and the realization of meaningful goals.
Suzanne’s books include Teams At Work: 7 Keys To Success (Tower Hill Press, 1997), The Participative Leader (McGraw Hill, 1995), Create A Life That Tickles Your Soul (Tower Hill Press, 1999) available in paperback as well as
hardcover, and her newest, Recharge In Minutes (Tower
Hill Press, 2003). All are available online and from major retailers.
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