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Are You Hiding?
Remaining anonymous may feel
safe, but it won't help you reach your dreams
by
Suzanne Falter-Barns |
I am naturally timid; I always have been, and part of me
always will be. Like much of the world, I've spent
significant chunks of my life listening to an inner
calling to express myself, then doing anything -- anything
-- not to answer it.
Yet, for some time now, I have slowly been emerging,
a process that has been both hard and hilarious. When I
finally found a publisher for my first self-help book,
just copying the final draft of the manuscript and
putting it into an envelope to send to Oregon was like
something out of a Marx Brothers movie. Pages were
flying, chapters were lost, others were run off three
times, and there I was in the middle, feeling the old
terror in my gut and a weird, helpless clumsiness
For most of us timid types, a warning message always
flashes off and on in the background whenever we come
close to being seen: Danger! Potential Visibility
Ahead! We share a pre-disposition for staying in the
background, a love for anonymity. And we have a real
need not to be known, because this is the only
way we think we will ever be truly safe. Yet, there may
also be a nagging need to express ourselves, as if God
were making some grand karmic joke
For my husband, this shows up as a need to cry
sometimes when he runs across stories of social justice,
where someone is making a difference in a small but
significant way. He cries because he knows this is work
he could be doing -- if only he didn't feel such an urge
to hide. Deep in our hearts we know we will not achieve
our dreams in life until our tenderest underbelly has
been seen. There is simply no other way out.
Hiding often shows up as self-sabotage. It's the
emergence of our inner thirteen-year-old, an adolescent basket case,
who just wishes Mom would step in and take care of
things. My own favorite tactics have included sending
out elaborate mailings which I never followed up on,
being disorganized and losing key phone numbers and
papers, and at one real low point, working hard to get
important interviews that I never showed up for. Often
we hide out in comfy, unchallenging jobs that surround
us with pleasant people, provide a paycheck, and seem
benign enough, except that we're not expressing
ourselves one tiny bit. Some of us even resort to
getting sick in order to lay low.
The ironic thing about all of this is that we hide
because we think it will simplify our lives -- and yet,
hiding actually takes tremendous energy. You have to put
up with situations you hate, and keep making excuses to
anyone who will listen, all the while ignoring the
persistent emptiness of your life. Then you have to tune
out the guilt that keeps playing at a low, steady hum
every time you think about what you really should
be doing. There is no serenity, or sense of balance to
life. All there is is longing, denial, and shame.
The good news is that when you finally do expose
yourself and let yourself be known, the sky does not
fall. I know from my own emergence that there is a
certain queasiness at first, and a deep suspicion of
going public. But then there comes a lightness -- a kind
of "Aha!" and a sense that you are, indeed, in
a very, very right place. Things begin to unfold;
miracles suddenly happen. And on the heels of that comes
a new kind of security, and a deeper sense of
connectedness; one that is not in any way empty, or
hollow.
Timid types, please take note.
Copyright © 2002
Suzanne Falter-Barns, www. howmuchjoy.com. All Rights Reserved.
If this article struck a chord, check out Suzanne’s
Coming Out of Hiding teleclass series which she leads
with best-selling author Jennifer Louden. Details at http://www.howmuchjoy.com/comeoutofhiding.html
Suzanne Falter-Barns Barns is the author
of How Much Joy Can You Stand? A Creative Guide To
Facing Your Fears and Making Your Dreams Come True (Ballantine
Wellspring.) Her free ezine, The Joy Letter, brings you
a crisp, fresh burst of inspiration for your dream every
week or two. Sign up at http://www.howmuchjoy.com/joyletter.html
and receive our valuable report, Manifesting for the
Inherently Logical (and the rest of us, too!). It will
teach you exactly what you need to know -- and think --
to create the stuff you dream of in life.
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