I usually ask couples how they met when they come to me for marital therapy. Gayle and Paul were already separated and he had filed for divorce after fifteen years of marriage when they came for their first session. They had met in Germany shortly after Gayle had graduated from college. She had just arrived, eager to begin her first teaching job on the military base. Although he was very handsome, she wasn't particularly attracted to him when an acquaintance introduced them. He didn't seem to be her type: he was studious, quiet and reflective; she was outgoing, humorous, and sociable.

She was surprised when he telephoned to invite her to an American movie with German subtitles. She recalled that his German was almost fluent, and she was eager to practice her new skills with him. Following the movie they went to a pub for coffee, and spoke mostly in German. During the next few months they spent more and more time together to study their shared passion. No one seemed surprised when they announced wedding plans a year later.

In contrast, Mark and Rene met in a college history class. He noticed her the minute she walked in the class; she had a beauty and an air of confidence that turned heads. As she tells the story now, he was too shy to ask her out, so she asked him for their first date. Theirs was an immediate attraction and they began dating exclusively. Against the advice of their friends and families, they married four months later and are still happily married after twenty-six years and four children...

>>> Continue Reading "Getting the Love You Want"

© Copyright Harville Hendrix. This article was originally
published at our website, SoulfulLiving.com, in Feb. 2002,
as part of Soulful Living's "Love Relationships" Issue.

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