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Beyond
the Fear of Intimacy
by Laura Grace |
"This is the spiritual
meaning of intimacy: growth inward, past our masks and
fears and recklessness, to the sacred place where we are
naked before God and each other." ~ Marianne
Williamson
Intimacy can
only be experienced as we learn to love ourselves (and
others), not for who we think we should be, but for who
we really are. We are constantly in process; our
soul longs to move forward, to experience the richness
of living life with an open mind and expanded heart, and
it is only through our own soul growth that we can bring
passion and intimacy into our relationships.
Author, teacher
and Jungian dream analyst Marion Woodman shares how a
common dream theme entails the dreamer being instructed
to go to the basement or cellar to find a black box. As
the dreamer looks into the box she sees a bird, wispy
and skeleton-like that hoarsely whispers, "I only
wanted to sing my song…." How many of us have not
recognized our soul’s passion, or have not possessed
the courage to act on it? Sadly, this dream metaphor is
true for most of us. Far too many of us have come the
end of our life only to discover that we have not
fulfilled our soul’s destiny. Yet this need
not be!
As we delve
inward to our soul and listen to its urging, we awaken
with the aliveness and passion that feeds life force
energy back into our relationships, nourishing them with
zest and excitement. When our relationships become
boring and routine (yawn), it’s because we are not
diving within where our emotional and passionate waters
run deep. In fact, when one is sexually shut down (and
keep in mind that our sexual desire is where our
co-creative spark surges from), it’s often because we
are not in touch with our soul. The physical
"dryness" we may be experiencing is symbolized
by the lack of creative and soulful juices that are not
flowing.
Countless
times, while counseling people on relationship, I hear
how the sexual desire is gone for one or both parties.
When this is expressed, my immediate response is,
"Are you feeling emotionally close to one
another?" and "Are you taking the time to do
your own ‘soul work’?" Quite often, the
partners are not looking within to their own creative
source. Each one is looks instead to the other for
sustenance. If we don’t plunge into our soul and
connect with Spirit, we become barren, leaving us with
absolutely nothing to give to the other. It’s no
wonder we end up feeling unfulfilled, empty and needy!
If you desire
intimacy, first look outward to your relationships and
notice if those closest to you feel accepted and loved
for who they are. Next, observe how often you are loving
and accepting of yourself. Any thoughts that are
self-deprecating and critical are the places where
healing is needed in order for true intimacy to occur.
To the extent you honor yourself and allow your own soul
to soar is the extent you will be willing to support
another’s inner light and soulful flight.
Next, ask
yourself, "How well do I know my own soul?"
"How much time am I taking to access my
passion?" "Am I willing to spend the necessary
time alone to connect with my soul?"
Bringing our
unconscious mind into consciousness is the stuff dreams—and
healthy, intimate relationships—are made of. Through
our relationships we discover when we are projecting our
needs onto another, versus if, and how much, we truly
love that person. For example, if you are unconsciously
projecting your father onto your partner, you will
always be disappointed for your partner will never,
ever, be able to meet your needs. Constantly replaying
the same old patterns that your mother and father did
will only keep you chained to the past, preventing
openness, sharing and love to flow through you.
Genuine
intimacy starts with us. Since we cannot give
something we do not have, to know another means we must
first know ourselves. Probing question, such as
"What does my soul crave?" "What do I
most need to experience in order to grow?" and
"What brings me aliveness and joy?", blaze a
trail for our spiritual and emotional development.
Once we have
awakened the spark within, we must be willing to release
our attachment to the opinions of others and live a life
that suits us, no matter how different that life may
appear to be. A healed life, an empowered life, an
intimate life, is foreign to us. We currently have no
paradigm for true intimacy and unconditional love.
Societal beliefs about relationship, being based on fear
and guilt, cannot guide us. In fact, mainstream
consciousness is still imbedded in the belief that form
is everything and that soul growth, if there is such a
thing, is irrelevant. Thus, we must be willing to forge
the paths of mature relationship on our own. This
entails using the guidance of our nightly dreams,
intuition and synchronicities and assistance of our
higher self.
Like a snake
shedding its skin, we heal and evolve as we release old
patterns and reach upward, like kundalini energy, toward
our higher good. As we become more conscious, our
masculine and feminine energies are ignited and the
effort toward balancing these primal energies begins.
Symbolically, this may be seen as two snakes
simultaneously rising upward. Although in Western
culture many of us fear snakes and equate them to evil
and destruction, they are actually a powerful archetype
representing the creative life force that flows through
the endocrine centers, propelling us toward spiritual
awareness. Shedding many skins, snakes are frequently a
symbol of eternal life.
If you are ready to inflame
your relationships with passion and intimacy, you must
first be willing to become inspired yourself. Remember
that there is a wellspring of joy and aliveness already
within you. Only your willingness and desire are needed
to awaken it. Once you have tapped into the Godforce
energy that nourishes your soul, you will never, ever,
want to settle for less. Doing so will feel like death.
Your soul is eternal and thrives on experiencing the
depths of life. Recognizing this fact will inspire you
to relish all of the richness that a genuinely intimate
and awakened life has to offer you.
© Copyright 2001 Laura Grace. All Rights Reserved
Excerpted from Laura's newest book, 'The Intimate
Soul." Published by Sustainable Solutions Press.
Available soon in bookstores.
Laura Grace is Co-founder of Infinite Wisdom, an organization dedicated to the highest human capacity, and a national author and speaker. As a regular contributor for publications across the US and Canada, Laura writes about human awareness and spiritual growth. Laura is the author of the widely acclaimed book Gifts of the Soul and is the creator and teacher of various programs, including the transforming and popular Self-Mastery Program, Claim Your Inner Power!, The Art of Compassionate Forgiveness, Wonderful Women: Reclaiming Our Power, Passion and Purpose!, Creating Soul in Relationships, Living the Intimate Life and several others. Please visit Laura's web site at:
www.LauraGrace.net, or by calling 888.PEACE-93.
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